Matt Is Speaking

New Blog

2007-09-23T23:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I made the switch to Wordpress the other day. It's a much better blogging site that will allow me to build a page to use as a homepage for my freelance writing. The new site is:

http://matthew-andrews.com

Go there from now on. This blog will self-destruct in about a week or so.

Tips For Job Interviews

2007-08-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of interviews at work lately, and I'm set for another 4-hour marathon tomorrow. It's been a good experience for me; it's taught me a lot about proper conduct in an interview, and what employers are looking for in a candidate. So, I've composed a short list of tips of interview dos and donts for your reading pleasure.

1. Dress like you're going to an interview. Even if your interviewing for a crap-shoveler position and your local dairy farm, at least wear a nice shirt. If anything, it shows that you care about how you look.

2. Smile and show some enthusiasm. This one seems obvious, but you would be surprised. I've had a couple of interviews where I seriously thought I was talking to a coma victim or Wednesday from the Adams Family. People with no personality are not customer-friendly, and will probably no get hired.

3. Do a little research. Find out the manager's name or a bit of history on the company. Browse their website and figure out what they're all about. This impresses people. It shows that you have an interest in the company.

4. Don't swear. I once had a person respond to the question "Why would you like to work at Prime Shine?" with "Cuz I'll kick some fuckin' ass out there." Yeah...bad idea.

5. Extra reading materials (such as resumes, cover letters, recommendations, etc) are always good. It shows you are prepared and that you have taken time to present yourself as professional. But...

6. ...If you do go through all the trouble to make a resume and stuff, please make it look nice. Don't just crap something out in 5 minutes. A bad resume can be far more damaging that no resume.

7. If you've applied at some many places that you don't even remember giving me an application, don't make it obvious. Statements like "This is my fiftieth interview this week," and "Did I really drop off an application here?" are not winners in my book, nor in anyone else's.

8. Fill out an application completely and thoroughly. Nothing says "I'm lazy and will do nothing at work" like not filling out half of an application.

9. Don't complain about your past bosses. It makes you seem defiant and means I should anticipate you having problems with authority.

10. If I asked you a question ten minutes ago and you're still talking, shut up. Just shut up.

11. After an interview, one phone call is sufficient. Anything after that is irritating.

The Day That Started It All

2007-08-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

It has been brought to my attention that I have yet to blog about the fact that I am getting married in just over three months, and that I also haven't blogged about my wife-to-be. I think it is all related to my natural aversion to writing about love. One of the things that plagues my writing and really acts as an obstacle is that I hate thinking that what I'm writing is unoriginal. I have taken whole pieces and thrown them away because I think they sound too much like whatever author I had been reading, or because I am borrowing phrases and words from related works. Love is hard to write about for this reason. It is the subject of an unfathomable amount of works of art (in any median) and has been explored from every image and metaphor I can conceive of. I am worried that whatever I put down will just consist of bits of everything else I've ever written, and it ultimately wouldn't be worthy of the heavenly person that Sarah is. I love you, Sarah, and one of these days (hopefully by November 17th) I will conceive of the perfect way to say it.

What I can do quite easily is tell the great story of how we became the dynamic duo we are today.

I honestly don't remember the first time I met Sarah, and I'm certain she doesn't remember the first time she met me. What I do know is that we did meet casually in a group of people a couple of times. I was familiar enough with her, and she with me. I had a girlfriend, and she thought I was way too young, so nothing ever went farther than casual conversations.

However, that changed on May 19, 2005. But let's jump back a few days earlier.

My dad was invited (that is, ordered by his boss) to go to a conference in Long Beach. After he mentioned this to me and discovered that I had a few days off at around that time, he invited me to come with him. Later that day, I was talking to my roommate Daniel, and he informed me that he was leaving that same day for another conference with a group of youth leaders, and that some of them were planning to see a midnight showing of Star Wars 3: Revenge of the Sith. I talked with my dad and arranged a plan whereby I would travel down with Daniel, see the movie, and then meet my dad at his hotel afterwards.

Daniel and I drove down to the theater and met Beth Wornack and Sarah Soon-To-Be-Andrews, who came down with the rest of the group in a big 15-passenger van. We watched the movie, and it turned out to be much better than I had expected. Once the movie was done (approximately 2:30am), he realize he have a problem with getting people home. We have no cash for a cab, and the girls needed to get to Azusa Pacific college, which was a bout 10-15 minutes away. Daniel drives a 2-seater Silverado. So, what we decided was Daniel would take Beth to the college, com back, take Sarah to the college, come back, take me to my hotel, and then drive himself back to the college.

Daniel left with Beth at about 2:45am. Sarah and I sat inside and waited, talking about random things. I think we got up to play some pinball for a while, but mostly we just talked. Pretty soon it was 3, and then 3:30, and we thought it might be a good idea to call Daniel. Once I get him on the phone, we find out that he is lost and has no idea where he is going. Furthermore, upon looking at a phone book map, we can't even find the streets he's naming off. And then our phone start to die.

So, 4am comes around, and that turns into 5am, and still no sign of Daniel. Sarah and I just talked most of the time, laughed at Daniel, laughed at our situation, and then consulted the phone book again to try mapping out a walking route. Finally, at around 6, as the sun is rust rising over the line of buildings, up pulls Daniel. Frustrated, he hurled his keys into the empty parking lot and told me to drive her home.

That's the story of how Sarah and I got to know one another. Nothing happened right away - I still had that pesky problem of the other girlfriend and she still thought I was too young - but it set a solid foundation for a friendship to ultimately blossom into a romance almost 7 months later.

But that's a story for another blog...

A Day in Portland

2007-07-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

Saturday, 7:45 am:
Our plane lands at PDX. We (meaning me and my friend Taylor) had left the house at 4am to leave Sacramento at 6:30, and were still in the early stages of waking up. The guy sitting behind me makes a very vulgar comment regarding my Giants hat. I ignore it and move off the plane to collect my luggage and hit the town.

8:15am
We board the Tri-Met streetcar. I get very excited about places with excellent public transportation systems. Riding the bus is a hassle in a place like Modesto, but sure as hell beats driving in places like Portland and New York.

As we ride, we discover that Northwesterners are, in general, very friendly. We had a few random conversations with passengers, which proved beneficial since one of them ended up informing us that we had gotten on the wrong car. A while later, I see a group of Jehovah's Witnesses who end up being from Modesto. We got into a lengthy conversation (mostly about how we preferred the Portland rain over the Valley heat, which proved beneficial because it kept him from giving me flyers.

9am
We arrive at our destination - McMenamin's White Eagle Rock'N'Roll Hotel. First, a word about McMenamin's - it is a small chain of pubs/hotels in the Portland area that makes a habit of buying strange buildings (old mental institutions, whorehouses, elementary schools) and turning them into awesome pubs and European-style hotels. They have the best burgers and really good beer. Needless, to say, I was pretty excited to stay there. We knew that we were in for more hostel-like accommodations since the room (with bunk beds!) was only $30 a night.

The website describes it as being "nestled in the industrial district," but that didn't prepare me for the worn-down building located in the middle of an endless sea of factories, shop yards, and breweries. It was very out of place, but at the same time, it was very quiet and peaceful since it was 9am on a Saturday morning. We hauled our luggage a few blocks to the hotel to find the restaurant closed (which we had expected), and there being no way to get to our rooms. We knocked on the door a few times and finally called before we got someone to come out. Turns out they had no real "front desk," and that check-in wasn't even until 4pm. We managed to convince them to hang onto our luggage ("Just set it over there by the stage, it'll be fine") and set out to Downtown to find some breakfast.

9:45am
We arrive, via bus, in the Pearl District of Downtown Portland, and wander the streets looking from some breakfast. We saw some bars, some pubs, some taverns, talked about the differences between the three, and saw some more of each, but never really found a good place to eat breakfast. We passed by a French bakery, but knew that we would probably leave there still hungry. Finally, in order to better absorb the unique culture that is Portland, we settled on...

10:30am
...Baja Fresh. How lame is that. We actually sat outside and waited for it to open, like a pair of groupies. But the food was good, and we decided that is was more of an "early first lunch."

11:00am
The highlight of every trip to Portland - Powell's City of Books. It's designated as a city because it takes up an entire city block, and is a couple stories high. When you walk in, you have to grab a map to find your way around. For book nerds like myself, it's the closest thing to heaven on earth. They have an unparalleled collection of new and used books, which are all very fairly-priced, and, because it;s in Oregon, is entirely free of sales tax. I am both very proud, and at the same time, very ashamed, to admit that I have spent in excess of $150 here at one time, and would do the same every time I came in if I had the money. On this particular trip I did not have the money to spare, so, with a strict $20 limit, I grabbed We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families by Philip Gourevitch (in order to expand my growing library of books about Rwanda), and Chris Hedges' Losing Moses on the Freeway: The Ten Commandments in America.

12:00 pm
Not knowing what else to do, we started walking towards Portland State University. On the way, we passed by the Portland Art Museum, the Oregon Historical Society, and a very large Farmer's Market. We also saw an ad that stated there were 193 countries in the world, and while we walked, we set about trying to name them all. The campus itself reminded me of NYU because it was a series of buildings downtown distinguished only by signs and small common areas. Nevertheless, it was very green and very pretty, and we started to get a light sprinkle of rain that felt pretty good on this warmer-than-average Portland day. We tried to explore some of the buildings but they were locked, so we hopped on a bus and headed north.

1:30pm
We got off near Powell's again because it was a landmark that I could recognize. While walking down the street, we passed by a unique place called The Living Room. It is a bar/cafe/movie theater dedicated to providing a comfortable atmosphere to view independent and foreign films that you don't get to see every day. I found this place to be incredible. We had an afternoon beer, and chatted while we waited for a movie to start.

2:30pm
We walked into the theater to watching Dreaming Lhasa, a documentary about Tibetan refugees that ended up being a fictional movie about a documentary about Tibetan refugees. It was slow moving and half in Tibetan, but was still very interesting. What impressed me most, however, was the theater. It had room for only 50 people, with plush seats, enough leg room to fit a footrest (which we did), and tables in the back so you could bring your drink and dinner. It was absolutely the most comfortable movie-going experience of my life.

5:00pm
We arrive back at the hotel to check in. Thankfully, our luggage is still at the base of the stage where a jazz trio has set up. We take out bags up to our room, which I'm pretty sure had to have been a jail cell at one time. It is a small bunk bed room with a sink and a table. It's probably no more than 10 or 12 feet wide and 8 feet long. Plus, we were right above the stage, so we could hear the music perfectly. However, because we knew we weren't in for a 5-star resort, we found our expectations oddly met. He unloaded our things and went downstairs to have dinner. On our way down, we ran into two guys with small electronic devices who were roaming the hallway looking for ghosts. We told me that the reading was off the chart and it was because of a dead hooker from about 100 years ago. I nodded curiously and then went downstairs.

6:00pm
We had burgers and tots while listening to the jazz band, along with a drink (or two, or three...). This lasted about two hours as we reminisced about the past and mused about the future.

8:00pm
Taylor regretted not buying a Korean comic, so we hop on the bus and head back to Powell's. We wander the halls with a pretty good buzz and I suddenly regret not buying more books.

10:00pm
After a brief stop at the corner store for water, Snickers and Gummy Savers, we head back to the hotel and crash in our room with the soothing sounds of the rock concert coming from below our floor.

Epilogue
I wake up to the most beautiful morning ever - an overcast sky, yet slightly warm, with a hint of a breeze making it just right. This, and a strange man sleeping on the floor outside my neighbor's door. They don't call it the Rock'N'Roll hotel for nothing, I guess.

How Derek Webb Challenges Me To Be a Real Christian

2007-07-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

In the last year, Derek Webb has really become one of my heroes. His lyrics have this way of showing me every way I am falling short, every hypocrisy in my life, and every place I am trading Jesus for convenience, and he does it in a way that doesn't exclude himself from guilt, so it never comes across as arrogant. I'd like to share some of his lyrics that have personally affected me.

"I don’t know the suffering of people outside my front door
I join the oppressors of those who I choose to ignore
I’m trading comfort for human life
and that’s not just murder it’s suicide"
- "This Too Shall Be Made Right"

"They'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
They'll know us by the way we point and stare
At anyone whose sin looks worse than ours
Who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare"
- "T-Shirts (What We Should Be Known For)"

"How can i kill the ones I'm supposed to love
My enemies are men like me...
Peace by way of war is like purity by way of fornication
It's like telling someone murder is wrong
And then showing them by way of execution"
- "My Enemies Are Men Like Me"

"Could you love this bastard child?
No, I don't trust you to provide.
With one hand in a pot of gold
and the other in your side.
'Cause I am so easily satisfied.
With the call of a lover's soul as wild.
I would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood."
- "Wedding Dress"

"I’ve got a killer instinct bringing out all of my best
I’ve got a poison conscience telling me to go with that
this may not work and I don’t guarantee that it will
but I’ve got no choice unless you tell me who Jesus would kill"
- "I For An I"

"You can render unto Caesar everything that’s his
You can trust in his power to come to your defense
It’s the way of the world, the way of the gun
It’s the trading of an evil for a lesser one"
- "A Savior on Capitol Hill"

"Here are two great lies that I've heard:
'The day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die,'
and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class Republican
and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him"
- "A King & A Kingdom"

"I repent, I repent of my pursuit of America's dream
I repent, I repent of living like I deserve anything
Of my house, my fence, my kids, my wife
In our suburb where we're safe and white...
And for the way I believe that I am living right
By trading sins for others that are easier to hide
I am wrong and of these things I repent"
- "I Repent"

"Poverty is so hard to see
hen it's only on your tv and twenty miles across town
Where we're all living so good
That we moved out of Jesus' neighborhood
Where he's hungry and not feeling so good
From going through our trash
He says, 'More than just your cash and coin
I want your time, I want your voice
I want the things you just can't give me"
- "Rich Young Ruler"

"Don't teach me about politics and government
Just tell me who to vote for
Don't teach me about truth and beauty
Just label my music
Don't teach me how to live like a free man
Just give me a new law...
Don't teach me about moderation and liberty
I prefer a shot of grape juice
Don't teach me about loving my enemies
Don't teach me how to listen to the Spirit
Just give me a new law"
- "A New Law"

"Are we defending life
When we just pick and choose
Lives acceptable to lose
And which ones to defend
'Cause you cannot choose your friends
But you choose your enemies
And what if they were one
One and the same"
- "Love Is Not Against the Law"

The Battle Between Creativity and Perfectionism Part 2

2007-06-25T16:46:00.000-07:00

I decided that I needed some help in curbing my perfectionist tendencies, and I found the perfect way to do that - The International 3-Day Novel Competition.

I won't have time to worry about being perfect. I'll just have to be worried about finishing.

But that's not until Labor Day weekend. So until then...

Running With Perseverance

2007-06-25T16:01:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." - Hebrews 12:1-3

This past weekend this oft-quoted Biblical analogy came to life for me. I've never pictured the "race" as something to be particularly grueling. Granted, races, especially marathons, require physical stamina, but I've always thought of it as a strange analogy for persevering through persecution and hardships, especially since New Testament authors were no strangers to real suffering at the hands of others, which was probably much more painful than running a marathon.

But on Sunday, I made my was up to Roseville to watch my mom cross the finish line of the Western States 100 Mile Endurance Run. Now, this is no ordinary race. This is a trail run - not a paved run like most marathons - that goes from Squaw Valley in Tahoe to Auburn on a lengthy path through the Sierra Nevadas. Runners have to endure 18,000 feet of elevation gain and 22,000 feet of elevation loss, and this is often done in triple digit heat (the race always occupies the last weekend in June), and freezing temperatures at night. Hyperthermia, hypothermia, and dehydration are not uncommon among runners. If that's not enough, competitors also have to deal with rattlesnakes, mountain lions, bears, bees, and other dangerous wildlife. And all of this pales in comparison when considering the damage that can be done to your body for putting it through this hell. It takes many people between 20 and 30 hours of non-stop running in order to finish. Runners are warned well in advance that there is a chance that they could die running this race.

This is not a simple jog. There are doctor's at multiple checkpoints who examine all the runners to make sure they are healthy enough to continue. This year, more than a quarter of the runners either quit or were disqualified for health reasons. My mom was one of those people. She started vomiting at mile 50 and pretty much kept vomiting through mile 78, enduring extreme cold, fatigue, and dehydration. She was finally disqualified at about 4am.

While talking with her afterwards, and seeing the result of the grueling endeavor, I couldn't help but think of the passage in Hebrews. Suddenly, I began to greatly appreciate the analogy. My mom didn't want to quit; she had her eye on the finish line and was willing to endure the pain, the sickness, and the occasional wild animal. It was only when she was forced to quit by a doctor that she stopped running. I think this is a perfect example of how we should be. We need to run the race, often times we need to endure hell on earth, in order to make it to the finish line, where Jesus waits for us.

The Political Show

2007-06-18T17:32:00.000-07:00

I had a discussion about politics with my family the other day, but it wasn't really about politics. It was about some of the candidates running for president, particularly Mr. Barack Obama, the popular Illinois Senator fighting for the Democratic nomination. I say it wasn't about politics because our conversation had nothing to do with Obama's qualifications as a president, but rather about his family heritage and ethnicity. My father claimed he would never vote for him because he was Middle Eastern (he is in fact of Kenyan descent) and that he was a Muslim (Obama was baptized into the Trinity United Church of Christ). We also discussed how Johnathon Edwards was a not a viable candidate because of his wife's physical condition, and McCain's ailing health was also discussed.

I was shocked that they could discriminate against a political candidate for reasons that had no bearing on their ability to serve in office, especially since some of the reasons were simply not true to begin with. It got me thinking, and I realized that it's probably no different in any household across the U.S. The presidential election, just like any popular election, is a popularity contest. People will vote for Edwards because he's a nice guy, minorities will vote for Obama because they can identify with him, McCain will get votes because he acts tough against terrorism, Clinton will attract fans of her husband simply because of their relationship, and so on and so forth. Their views on important issues are often unknown, or not completely known, to the average voter.

I got frustrated during the conversation, but I realized that I'm no different than my parents. I'm more inclined to be attracted to Edwards and Obama because of their openly religious beliefs, and their shared anti-Iraq attitude. I'm hesitant to side with my traditional Republican candidates because of the stigma attached with the Iraq war, since McCain and Gulianni seem ready to take over where Bush left off. However, I'm letting these hot button issues effect my judgement on other important issues. For example, Obama is pro-choice, which I strongly disagree with, while McCain is pro-life and has shown that though he supports the war on terrorism, he's not hesitant to expose the faults, such as his open criticism of the use of torture (or "questionable interrogation methods") by the Bush administration. I find that I'm not really taking the full spectrum of issues into consideration, and instead I'm focusing on the ones that get the most media attention.

I saw a political cartoon today that reiterated why a politician shouldn't be judged by their personal life. It had a priest baptizing McCain into a water that was labeled "Religion," with all the other candidates on shore anxiously awaiting their turn to be immersed. The message - religious faith goes a long way in this country, and any candidate claiming to be a Christian is going to tap into the reservoir of the Religious Right, the massive group that kept Bush in office in 2004. When I identify myself with Obama because of his proclaimed Christian faith and ignore the issues, I could be making my decision based on a facade. In a sense, I may be falling into the trap set by the army of publicists that surround each candidate.

Therefore, I've decided that I am going to be an issue-focused voter this election. I am going to put in the extra work to weigh the pros and cons of each person before I make my decision. I will do my best to ignore the candidate portrayed in the media and focus on the political record of each person. I believe that having the facts in hand and then aligning those facts with my faith is the best way to pick who I really support.

The Battle Between Creativity and Perfectionism

2007-06-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

One thing I know I will definitely have to to get over is my perfectionism. Here is the way the writing process should work:

1. Writer comes up with an idea.

2. Writer craps everything out on paper

3. Writer reads over his crap, organizes and edits.

4. Writer is finished and is very happy.

However, it seems that this is how I work:

1. Matt comes up with an idea.

2. Matt tries to write the whole piece in his head.

3. Matt stares at a blank computer screen for an hour.

4. Matt spends another hour writing his first sentence.

5. Matt plays on Facebook for a while.

6. Matt finishes his opening paragraph by nightfall.

7. Matt gets frustrated and abandons the project for snacks and Playstation.

Obviously, there is a difference between my ideal and what actually goes on. I am usually satisfied with what I write once it is written, but it's getting to that point that is difficult for me. I seem to have a problem translating what's in my head to paper, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Freewriting is hard for me. I hate spitting out sentences and paragraphs and knowing that they don't look anything like what they should, and it's hard for me to accept that. I'm a perfectionist, and it's stifling my creativity.

And that's all I have to report.

So I've Made a Big Decision...

2007-06-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

I graduated a few weeks ago, which means that now it's time to start making some decisions about life. I manage a car wash now. It's a decent job that pays pretty well with really good benefits, but it's just not something I want to do forever. I've already decided that I want to write (see the post "So I'm Writing a Book...," which is kind of a prequel to this post), but finding a job is somewhat difficult for someone who's had no internship experience and would probably have to take a devastating drop in pay for an entry level job. So, I came up with a another option - back to freelancing!

A freelance writer, for those unfamiliar with the title, is a writer who works with publications on a temporary and contractual basis, often for a single assignment rather than a steady flow of work. This is something that I got into in high school and early college. I started out as a contributor to the Modesto Bee's Teens in the Newsroom program (which produces the Thursday Buzzzz section) for a couple of years, and then wrote several pieces for a now-defunct (I believe) magazine called Valley Views, had a fling with a magazine called Valley Weekly, and covered Turlock-area high school football games for the Turlock Journal. It was all flowing along pretty nicely, and then it stopped. I got promoted to a manager position, and between working fifty hours a week and going to school, my writing jobs got lost in the shuffle. I simply didn't have time anymore.

Well, things are changing. I'm bringing writing back. I've been doing extensive research into the life and work of a full-time freelancer, and am realizing more and more the necessity of having a game plan and setting goals. If I don't give myself something to shoot for, I'll lose focus and end up slacking. So, here are some goals for myself for the next year:

1. Write every day. No exceptions. Even if it's senseless drivel, random words on a page, or stream-of-consciousness scribbling, I must write something. Consequently, that may mean that this blog will probably be updated way more often than I've been doing now.

2. Work my way up to writing articles for national magazines. I'm trying to reestablish some of my ties with the local publications I used to work for, and create new ones with some newer publications that have popped up in recent years. Once I do that, I will gradually start taking stabs at some of the larger publications with more readership and a bigger spotlight. I've been thinking that the two main areas I'd like to focus on are travel and religious publications, and ultimately, I'd like to move up from local by my deadline.

3. Look into copywriting and work with a few clients to see if it's my thing. Copywriting is more your everyday stuff that you normally wouldn't think about - brochures, advertising, newsletters, etc. Someone writes all that stuff, and that someone is usually a freelancer. I know very little about this area though, so I'd like to at least give it a try.

4. Attempt to do some poetry and short fiction. I don't really feel like this is really my strong area, but I do eventually need to get over my fear of failure and just write something and submit it to contests and publications to see if it gets me anywhere.

5. Join a writing group of some kind. I don't know if there are many Modesto-area ones out there, but somehow I need to get into the process of being in community and bouncing my work off of others before I submit it.

6. Propose my book. This is a big one for me. I found out that most nonfiction books are sold before being written, so after I build enough of a foundation of experience, I'd like to get an agent, write some sample chapters, and put together a book proposal. If all goes well, someone will pick it up, get me an advance, which leads to my next and final goal....

7. Quit my job to write. Or at least quit my job and write in addition to a less demanding part-time job, preferably in an area somewhat related to writing.

So, that's it. Those are my goals for June 15, 2008. Now that I have something to shoot for, hopefully it'll improve my accuracy.

Favorite Passages in Scripture

2007-05-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

I heard the phrase "life verse" for the first time the other day. I guess it is the habit of attaching yourself to a Bible verse and making it your own, or adopting a verse as your personal motto to write on your white board or put as your Myspace headline or something, Well, I do not have a life verse, but it got me thinking about the verses in the Bible that seem to linger longer than most in my head, and I thought it might be a good idea to list some of them and think about what they mean to me.

"His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die." He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said. (Job 2:9-10)

That question that Job asks his wife always resonates with me: "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" So often when bad things happen in our life, we have a tendency to blame God, and when good things happen, we praise him. The implication of this kind of thinking is that God is centered around us and working for our benefit all of the time, and that is simply not the case. Bad things come from God just as good things do, and when it hits the fan, this verse always reminds me that God is at work no matter what. The trouble in my life could be a punishment for my own sins, part of a lesson God is trying to teach me, a test, or even the byproduct of God's blessing on someone else. Job's own story shows that God is just in the end, and his action, whatever their effect on us, are perfect. This verse always helps me to keep that in mind.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:29-31)

There are two things I like about this passage. The first is the obvious meaning of the passage - that God, who controls every aspect of the world down to the smallest sparrow, knows me more than I know myself and will always be there to provide for me. The second is the tone of the whole passage. It's so casual and friendly that I feel like if I c lose my eyes I can really picture Jesus speaking these words to a crowd of people. I can imagine him pointing out a sparrow in a tree, making his comments, and smiling to the people as he says "you are worth more than many sparrows." Passages like this, where Jesus sounds less like a writer of proverbs and more like a friend in conversation, make him seem real to me.

Araunah said to David, "Let my lord the king take whatever pleases him and offer it up. Here are oxen for the burnt offering, and here are threshing sledges and ox yokes for the wood. O king, Araunah gives all this to the king." Araunah also said to him, "May the LORD your God accept you." But the king replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing." (2 Samuel 24: 22-24)

This passage helps me to look at my life and think "What are my sacrifices costing me?" How far out of my way do I go to do something for God? This passage is a constant reminder to me that I can not be a lazy Christian, and that if I am going to serve God, it will cost me something, and I should be more than willing to give up whatever is required.

Matthew 5, 6, and 7

These three chapters are too long to list, but these verses, commonly known as the Sermon on the Mount, are some of the most powerful in the whole Bible. Every time I read them I am challenged to live a Christ-like life in the fullest sense, to take my faith and live it out in my daily interactions with people, in what I support, in what I say, in what I do, and in what I think. If people lived out these verses here, we'd have a lot less problems in the world, which is why it's at least important to try.

Those are the passages that come to mind at the moment. I'm sure I'll post more as they come to me.

The Road Trip

2007-04-04T15:26:00.000-07:00

Summer is approaching soon, and I am currently in the beginning stages of planning an epic adventure, one filled with peril, wonder, and excitement at every turn - the road trip!

Ok...so it won't be quite like that. However, I would have to rank road trips pretty high on my list of things I love to death. There's just something about getting behind the wheel and driving with only a vague idea as to where you're going that's exhilarating. Because it's not really about where you go, but how you get there. It's being with the right people and being willing to be open to what you find in your wanderings. With me, it's always been the experience of something new. Traveling is great, but when you travel "formally" (meaning plane tickets, hotels, tourist attractions, and so on), you don't really get the experience of the place. I could go to Italy, look at all the sites, and then come home and have not really experienced Italy, if you know what I mean. When you drive, you're forced to pass through the place your visiting, to stop and to enjoy the places you don't find in your AAA guide. It's interesting to think of how much there really is just in the areas around us. It could be a nice cup of coffee at a local diner, meeting someone interesting, or having your breath taken away by the natural beauty of the world that you didn't even now existed.

I haven't been on too many (only because I'm limited by time, money, and all the other factors of life that weigh you down). My first real road trip was when my roommate Daniel and I went to Los Angeles via the Pacific Coast Highway, an absolutely beautiful stretch of highway that goes right along the Pacific Coast, and I had a blast. The following year we got ambitious. We added another voyager (Rodney, who is a perfect example of how a friendship can really develop on a road trip), planned a much longer route (Modesto to Vancouver), an took off for a week that involved 17 hours of straight driving, border mishaps, bad navigation, and stops in Portland and Seattle. A few months later I did the Modesto-Canada route again with Sarah, Beth, and Rodney, and once again, had an absolutely wonderful time. These three road trips were separated by smaller trips (journeys through the Gold Country, trips down south, etc).

So, the big question now is "Where?" I think I definitely want to visit the Grand Canyon (something that Rodney and I have talked about ever since we read Through Painted Deserts), but beyond that, I'm not sure. I've always wanted to visit Salt Lake City (though I have no real reason for wanting to do so), so I made up a possible itinerary for combining the two here. I'm also starting to warm up to the idea of doing a baseball stadium tour and go from the Bay to LA area, and then to Arizona and Texas. Or, if I got real ambitious, we could do something more grandiose (Route 66, or something like that).

One thing is for sure - wherever we go, it will be awesome, and I can't wait!

Blind Faith?

2007-04-04T00:46:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons non-Christians criticize Christianity is because of the whole issue of faith. We live in a day and age where everything has to be scientifically examined, qualified, quantified, categorized, labeled, and proven beyond any doubt in order for it to be acknowledged as a fact. This growing belief in science and knowledge has detrimental implications for the idea of faith, which can be defined as blind acceptance of that which we can not prove. On Sunday at church, we talked about Abraham's faith as he went to sacrifice Isaac, the only son that was to bear his great nation, as God had commanded him, and as we discussed this I couldn't but think about Kierkegaard.

Kierkegaard was a Christian philosopher who wrote about the idea of faith in relation to the aforementioned story in his book Fear and Trembling. In this work (and you'll have to excuse my paraphrasing, because the book is somewhere in my ready-to-move boxes), Kierkegaard argues that faith is absurd, because it involves denying the present realities and facts in life and instead focuses on the unseen and the infinite. Abraham had faith that if he killed his son, God would bring him back to life, which is, according to the laws that govern the natural world, absurd. His faith transcended all logic and for that he was rewarded.

Thus, one can get the impression that faith involves blind allegiance in that which is absurd. The idea that God had a son, that he lived a perfect life, died on a cross, and then rose from the dead is absurd, yet I believe it, although no proof exists.

Now, with all this in mind, I found myself reading the account of Gideon in the book of Judges. In short, God calls out Gideon to save Israel from the Midianites. Gideon is dumbfounded at his choosing: "How can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family" (6:15). After God assures Gideon that He will be with him in battle, Gideon does something interesting. He asks God for a sign to prove that is really was the LORD talking to him. God responds by taking Gideon's offering and engulfing it with fire from a rock. Later, Gideon (apparently not convinced by the dialogue with the angel and the flaming rock) puts out a wool fleece and asks God to make the fleece covered in dew and the ground dry. God does as Gideon requests and the next day, Gideon asks God to make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew, and again God complies. God never shows anger with Gideon's requests for proof. He willingly demonstrates his power and might upon request.

There are numerous stories in the Old Testament where someone requests a sign that God is on their side, and God willingly delivers. I don't think anything changes as we made the transition from Old to New Testament. Jesus himself used miracles as signs to demonstrate to the people that he was sent by God, as Peter tells the Israelites: "Men of Israel, listen to this: Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know" (Acts 2:22). Furthermore, God has given us the Holy Spirit, his spirit working through us, as proof of our promise with God. Consider Jesus' words in Mark: "And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison,it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well" (Mark 16:17-18).

Here's my thought - I think that "blind" faith in Jesus as a means of salvation is stupid. Having a "blind" faith indicates what we believe in can never be proven to be true, and that we are taking the gamble of our lives by placing our trust in Jesus. I don't think this is the kind of faith that God wants us to have. God provides all the proof we need if we ask Him and are open to the results.

Once, when I was a little boy, I remember my Dad and Mom having a fight about something. This was before my Dad got remarried, and the divorce was still fresh in my head. As we drove home, I was scared to death that they were going to break up, that my Dad would be alone again, and that any chance of stability in my life was gone forever. As I went to bed that night, I took off my crucifix necklace and laid it on my end stand just like I did every night. I prayed, and in my pleading with God, I asked Him for a sign to help me believe that He was going to allow things to be ok, and that there would be no break-up. I randomly thought of my necklace, and I asked God to move it off of the nightstand, where I found it every morning when I woke up, as a sign that He was there. When I woke up the next morning, it was under a dresser in another room. Sure it could have been my cat's doing, but that was the only time I had every woken up and not found it on my nightstand, and it was the one time I made that request to God. That's too much of a coincidence for me. That had God written all over it.

I think that God loves showing us his power. Every time one of our prayers is answered, God is affirming his promise to us. He may not light rocks on fire, but he has this way of arranging things to fit our requests, to fulfill this need for proof in all of us. It may not be scientific proof, but it will be convenient coincidences and strange events that have God written all over them.

It's a Big World Out There

2007-02-12T00:43:00.000-08:00

I think I am a typical Westerner in the sense that I believe that I am the center of the universe. I live in the greatest country in the world, the home of the smartest and most succesful people. We have the right government, the right culture, and most of all, the right view of God and how to worship him. Sure there's a world out there, but it's not like anyone actually lives there...

I picked up a book not too long ago that looked interesting - The Next Christendom: The Coming of Global Christianity by Philip Jenkins - and so far it's doing quite a bit to make me see that the previous paragraph couldn't be farther from the truth. Consider these snippits:

"Over the past century, however, the center of gravity in the Christian world has shifted inexorably southward, to Africa, Asia, and Latin America. Already today, the largest Christian communities on the planet are to be found in Africa and Latin America. "

"Even if Christians just maintain their present share of the population in countries like Nigeria and Kenya, Mexico and Ethiopia, Brazil and the Philippines, there are soon going to be several hundred million more Christians from those nations alone."

"All too often, statements about what 'modern Christians accept' or what 'Catholics today believe' refer only to what the ever-shrinking remnant of Western Christians and Catholics believe. "

The book details population growth rates, as well as the numbers of the booming church of the Southern Hemisphere, and it's astounding. By 2050, only 1 out of every 5 followers of Christ will be a White and non-Latino, which means that I am actually becoming the minority in the Christian world. This is something that's very new to me. I've always grown up thinking that the rest of the world was full of pagans waiting for me to come save them. It turns out that there will soon be more Christians in Africa, in Latin America, and in Asia than there are in Europe or the United States. It may not be long before they send missionaries to help us!

Furthermore, there are definite theological differences between my church, and a traditional church in these developing areas. The Gospel is new and fresh, and many of the things that we see in the New Testament that our churches seem to frown on these days - faith healing, prophecy, spiritual warfare, and so on - are big parts of the churches down south. When the apostles cured the sick, spoke in tongues, and worked miracles, they were not exercising an archaic spiritual practice, but utilizing the power of a Holy Spirit that is still with us.

It's kind of an eye-opener to think that there is so much going on in the world, and how Christianity is an ever-changing and adaptive faith. As the population continues to explode down South and religious participation continues to go down in the Western world, this seemingly "primitive" faith of the Third World will start to become he norm. It's exciting to think about how God is working and creating disciples all over the world. It makes me realize that my faith is not the center of the Christian world, and that I am just a fingertip of the body of Christ.

Spiritual Frustration - Part One: Legoland

2006-12-15T14:06:00.000-08:00

I understand that there are lots of things about God and his Will and they way he does things that I will never ever get, such as the trinity (It's one God, but in three persons. But they're the same. But they're also different. But they're the same. But different. Get it?) and how to mesh Genesis with evolution and all that. I will never understand those things, and I'm ok with that. I'm a little curious, but whether or not I'm suppossed to read Genesis literally or not doesn't affect my belief God still designed it.

But, I do have a thing a few things that just irk me, and lately they've been doing just that. I feel like I should write about them, so here i go:

The Elect

Jesus uses this phrase to describe followers of him, as do most of the authors of the New Testemant. The implication of this phrase, as well as Paul's writings in Romans and Ephesians, is that God chose me to be a follower of Him before he manufactored the whole world (in whatever way he chose to do so), and that my actions are all designed for the betterment of His kingdom. I am chosen by God! God chose me! That's a pretty sweet thing to think about.

Unless God didn't choose you.

Then you should probably start worrying right about now, because if God's saves those he chooses, and he didn't choose you, you better start putting on some sun tan lotion, because it's about to get toasty.

Does this seem wrong to anyone else?

The Bible tells us that God is a God of love. But that's not love. That tells me that Christ came to Earth and suffered and died for the benefit of a few lucky people. I picture Jesus on the cross - bloody, beaten, and dying - pointing out people in the crowd with his limp finger and saying: "You, you, you, and you. Everyone else can go to Hell." That's not love. I can't reconcile that idea with verses that express the universal love of Christ ("This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth" - 1 Timothy 2:3-4), or anything in the four Gospels.

The more I think about it, the more I see how these conflicting ideas seem to coexist paradoxically in everyday life. When people come to me with bad news or unfortunate circumstances, I tell that God is in control, and that He has a plan for them, and that good things will come out of these bad circumstances, because he will use you for his will. But, at the same time, I walk around with the firm belief that I made the committment to make God my personal savior, I put my trust in him, and I asked him into my heart, etc. These ideas are diametrically oppossed to one another. Either God is in control of my life or I am.

I've read opposing arguments and, to be honest, they all just sound like we're making excuses to not believe what's written down on paper. Some people hold that God controls the small stuff, but the decision in yours, kind of like life is a big Choose Your Own Adventure book where you make the decision and God acts accordingly. In think we see that idea specifically opposed in Scripture, since God himself hardens people's hearts (Exodus, Romans 11). Another view holds that God knew ahead of time who would choose Him, and, since He exists outside of time, He knows all about my salvation. From what I have read, the Greek word specifically means "chosen, and does not imply knowledge, but a choice.

This is a big deal to me. It completely destroys the idea of a loving, caring God. It makes me think of God as a kid with a tub full of Legos, building a space ship. If that spaceship is his wil, his good and perfect will, then the pieces used are God's elect. But what about the other pieces God didn't set aside for his spaceship? They get left in the box, shoved in the closet, and seperated from him forever. That's not love, and God's use of his pieces isn't by His grace. They mean nothing to him; they're just toys at his disposal.

If it were a minor doctrine, I wouldn't care, but this is concerning people's salvation and eternal destination. I don't know how to reconcile an idea that is a)so prevelant in Scripture, and b)Opposses a lot of other ideas that are so prevelant in Scripture. I could question the authority and accuracy of the books, but then that leads me down a slippery slope. If I can't trust the Word of God, what can I trust?

I think I'm going to make it a priority to be a little more well-read on this subject. I feel like this is something I need to understand, though I don't now if I ever really can.

Stay tuned for Spiritual Frustrations - Part Two: Jesus in Peru?

So I'm Writing a Book...

2006-11-20T11:33:00.000-08:00

All my life I've wanted to write a book. When I was younger I tried writing short stories, eventually planning on writing an important novel that would change the world and go down in history as a classic work of American literature.

Well, as it turns out, that's probably not a reality. For one, I don't have the stamina to write a novel. Furthermore, I don't think I'm very good with fiction. I've noticed that I get a lot more out of writing about real things, like my life, or the lives of others. So, while I may still write a novel someday (though I don't at all think it will be the least bit monumental), I think I've realized that non-fiction is more my cup of tea. I just needed something to write about. For a while I wanted to be a travel writer. I wanted to go on a massive road trip or backpack the world or something like that and write a book that will be very important and go down in history as a classic work of American literature. Actually, that's not true. I just want people to buy it and like it, that way I can have some money to go on more crazy adventures and write about them. That was pretty much a daydream though. No money, no time, too many things going on here; there were always excuses to make it something that would never happen.

As I've grown in Christ, I've noticed that I've been reading a lot more things coming out of the "Religious" section at Barnes and Noble: C.S. Lewis, Don Miller, Brian McLaren, and so on. After a while I started to realize that I didn't need to go on extravagant adventures to produce good and exciting pieces of writing. I could write about God. I didn't know what I would write, but the idea of writing something that would be shelved in the "religious" section grew more and more appealing, especially as I realized that a lot of these authors were not Doctors of theology or seminary graduates, but ordinary people like me.

The real kicker came about a month ago. I went to San Francisco with Sarah to go listen to Ann Lamott, who is a very liberal kind of Christian. She was speaking at the Grace Cathedral, which is an Episcopal Church. I browsed the website and noticed the Reverend of the cathedral was wearing the black-suit-with-white-collar outfit, and I immediately though of priests and Catholicism, and as a good non-denominational Protestant child with former Catholic converts for parents, I was taught, both directly and indirectly, that Catholicism was wrong. They worshipped saints and distorted Christianity. Our church was "pure"; theirs was "corrupt." So I made connections in my head and started making judgments about the church.

So I went and listened to this Reverend converse with Ann Lamott, and he actually agreed with her quite a bit. I bought a book of his called Reimaging Christianity and I was blown away by exactly how wrong I had been in my judgment of the Episcopal Church. I came to a realization - I knew nothing about this church. I started looking into Episcopalianism and that head me to look into some other churches, and I came to realize I knew very little about any of the other denominations, including Catholicism. I had never really gone to any other church besides non-denominational ones. As I looked into the different branches, I started seeing how superficial some of the distinctions were. We are all brothers and sisters separated by what Brian McLaren calls "fine print," things that, in the grand scheme of things, don't really matter.

It hit me then - I should write a book about this. It was something I was tremendously interested in, and it wasn't epic or unrealistic. I am fortunate enough to live in one of the more diverse states in America, which means I can literally find a church of just about any denomination within a two-hour drive of here. I would look into the history and doctrines of each denomination, and supplement that by actually attending the churches I was looking at and talking with pastors, priests, attendees, etc. I don't want the book to be scholarly; rather I want it to be personal, and also well-researched. I want to go on a spiritual journey and take everyone else with me. I've done some research and so far, I haven’t found any books really meeting that description. There are plenty of denominational guides, but nothing as personal or readable as what I'm aiming for.

And this isn't just something that I'm planning for the future. I've actually already started. I've attended Episcopal services a few times in the last month, and have started to do some extensive reading into their history and beliefs, as well as about other peoples personal experiences with the church (all this instead of the school work I should be doing), and I'm hoping to get my first chapter on Episcopalianism done in the next couple of weeks to a month. I'll edit it and mess with it a bit, send it around to a few people to make sure what I'm trying to do is interesting to anyone else besides me, and then start on another one while I maybe try to pitch it to publishing companies and see if (by the grace of God) I can maybe get an advance, or at least an interested company and a deadline to really throw me into gear. Prayer would be greatly appreciated in this department.

I've kind of already structured the book in my head. There are a million official denominations out there, so I picked some of the bigger and more well known ones as well as a few that I found absolutely fascinating (Copticism, which is an extremely old offshoot of Orthodoxy that is centered in Egypt and his its own Pope, and Messianic Judaism, which is essential a group of Jews who believe Jesus to be their Messiah and conduct synagogue-like services in Hebrew and everything, to name a few). I also set a pretty vague two-fold litmus test to see which ones I should actually include: 1)belief that salvation comes through Jesus Christ, and 2)belief in the divinity of Jesus, and therefore, that God is one person with distinct persons (the doctrine of the trinity, basically). This ousts a couple of popular "cults" (such as Jehovah's Witnesses and Unitarians), but also includes controversial groups like the Mormons. So far, I have roughly three sections: 1)traditional faiths, which would be Eastern Orthodoxy, Catholicism, and a few others; 2)Reformation religions, which includes Lutheranism, Presbyterianism, Anabaptist religions, etc; and 3)Newer Developments, which includes everything from the Baptists and Methodists to Mormonism, Christian Science, Pentecostalism, and so on (though I may divide the third one into two smaller sections).

Now I realize this is my longest blog ever, but I have to admit, I am REALLY excited about this. I feel like God is helping me use my writing, something that I've always considered to be a talent and source of joy for me, to further his kingdom. I would appreciate continuous prayers as I try and get this worked out. Pray that I don't get burnt out once the initial excitement wears off, something I've been known to do in the past. Most of all, pray that God will guide me in this and use me for his will.

The Street-Side Speaker

2006-11-08T19:04:00.000-08:00

A while ago, I wrote a poem called "The Street-Side Speaker" (which you can read here). It is a slightly modified version of a real life event - some man jumped up on the wooden stage in the quad area at Stan State and started preaching, and by "preaching" I mean "judging and condemning, screaming and yelling about Hell and damnation." It irritated me as I watched him totally misuse the name of Christ for the greater good of no one. That was a year ago.

Today I was on my way to meet with my adviser and I saw the same man up on the same stage. He was quietly watching as another man was singing a song about abstinence, which was quite humorous, although I couldn't tell if the humor was intentional. As the man's song ended, he began talking to a few people around him; Mr. Preacher man just stared off in the distance. All of a sudden, he bellowed out "Why should you go to Heaven?!", beginning a long series of comments and rants that were all too reminiscent of the last time I saw him.

I sat quietly and watched him, but I also watched my fellow listeners. Some laughed him off, while others reacted with disgust. No one was moved, no one was convicted, no one was saved; they were repulsed. This man was taking the love of Jesus and using it as a weapon, causing everyone around him to ignore him and his message. If I had never heard of Jesus, this man's message would have done nothing to make me become a Christian. In fact, it would make me not want to be a Christian at all.

So I got mad. I felt like jumping up on stage and apologizing to every person in attendance and telling them that this was not Christ. My anger reached it's apex when he told the people in the crowd that the sinners of this earth were "children of the devil." In response, a girl walked right up to the front of the stage and asked "Aren't we all children of God?

"No," the man said. "That's not true. The Bible does not teach that."

It sickened me. I saw a girl a few feet away who was disgusted and walked away. Eventually, I started voicing my displeasure to the two guys around me, who happened to agree with me. I expressed how much I would like to have a talk with this guy, and upon saying that, one of the guys yells to Mr. Preacher Man "Hey, this guy wants to talk to you."

So now the whole group is gazing at me, including Mr. Preacher Man. I was caught off guard, so I just impulsively walked up to the stage and climbed up (The look on Mr. Preacher's face - priceless). I shook his hand and introduced myself (I believe his name was Jeffrey), and I just started to talk, and it was...interesting.

Without getting into all the details of the conversation, I told him I felt like he was pushing more people away from Christ than he was drawing into, and that he should go a little more with the love of God as a better approach, to which he responded that people always here "Jesus loves you" and yet they still turned away from God, and that they needed to know the truth. He said he was practicing "Traditional Christianity" in the spirit of great men like John Westley, and that it was the only way to get people to listen. Then we talked about how Jesus talked to people society considered "sinners" and how hell talk was mostly reserved for the Pharisees, and he explained that he considered the people of America to be Pharisees in the sense that they reject God because they think they know everything, not even taking into account that some of the people walking by probably knew relatively little about Jesus.

I was kind of sad. On one hand, I'm glad I talked to him, that I was able to tell him how I felt about the Gospel, but it made me sad that he thought the only way to tell people about Jesus was to tell them about hellfire and anger rather than the great love story between God and the world.

Family Issues

2006-10-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

I had one of those arguements with my mom today. I mean that kind that starts out as something small and insignificant but gradually rises until we clash at the same points we always do.

I could go on and list the details of difficulties I've had with my family (or better yet, my families), but it would be pointless. The arguements themselves are masks to cover the greater problem - we have conflicting flaws and just can not see eye to eye on life. It's hard to make progress when for years you both accuse each other of doing the same thing, when one (or both) people refuses to see the writing on the wall, or when no one really "communicates" at all.

So today I got mad. Really mad. I said and thought a few things about my family that later regretted, and I started thinking that this was no way to live life. I am almost 22 years old, and I can't seem to let go of this ongoing probem with my family. The more I try to boil it down, the more I see that what I really want is love and acceptance from my family, and I don't feel like this unconditional Christ-like acceptance is never something I am going to get from them. This then led to a question - "Is this holding me back from fulfilling Christ's purpose in my life?"

I did a bible.com search on parents (I'm at school without a Bible) and I read an often-quoted passage in Luke:2 "I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life." (18:29-30). In context, Jesus is speaking to the rich young ruler who wants to know how to get into Heaven, so what he's saying here is not to abandon your family, but to realize that my devotion lies first to God, and secondly to my family.

I am spending way too much time thinking about my family and why their opinion matters so much. I am pondering what I've done to not gain their acceptance, and that leads to one of two feelings: firstly, I feel like a complete and utter failure because my parents are dissapointed with me, and so I go along with whatever they want regardless of whether or not it's what Christ would do; or secondly, I dwell on how their thinking is flawed, how they're wrong, and how they're they are to blame for all of my faults.

Of course neither of those two conclusions are proper conlcusions to make. What I need to learn is that I'm not a child anymore; I'm a man and I need to take responsibility for myself and leave them to God. If I'm wrong in my thinking or actions, God will make that known to me if I focus on Him, and if my parents are the ones who need help, I will pray for them and love them. I am reminded of a passage I read today in A New Kind of Christian where Brian McLaren, talking about who goes to Hell and who goes to Heaven, ultimately gives a valuable lesson on judgement and our belief regarding the hearts of others:

It's none of your business who does and who does not go to Hell. It is your business to be warned by it and to run, not walk, in the opposite direction! It is your business to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, to love your neighbor as yourself, and to have confidence in Jesus Christ and live as Jesus lived.

I need to turn my gaze to Heaven, love my family, and hope that my parents do the same, and through Christ I believe all will become well

Being Prepared?

2006-10-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

Last night I couldn't sleep; something was bothering me and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I reached out for my Bible and did a random reading (just flipping it open and reading whatever) and it just happened to land on Joshua 11 and Psalm 3, which both have a lot to do with trusting God in difficult and seemingly impossible situations.

I know it sounds wierd, but I had a wierd stressed feeling, almost fear, while I was reading this. I felt uneasy with my surroundings and I had the distinct feeling that God was giving me this scripture to prepare me for something, although I can not say what. It just seemed like God was preparing to charge me with something diffiuclt, or at least uncomfortable, and that I would need to put my trust in Him to persevere. I spent a lot of last night worrying and contemplating, but I'm realizing today that by worrying I am rejecting the very lesson God wished to teach me.

In Joshua, Israel has to face an army that is "as numerous as the sand on the seashore." I can't even imagine what it would be like to be Joshua facing an alliance of kingdoms that far outnumbered me in everyway. But God said to him, "Do not be afraid of them, because by this time tomorrow I will hand all of them over to Israel, slain." That was the most impacting verse for me. Joshua will not just out-perform his enemy, or beat them, or drive them away, but he will be so victorious against his mighty enemy that he will slaughter every one of them. And God is faithful; He delivered just as He said. And in Psalm, David is being conspired against by many people he trusted, including his own son, but God pulled him out of it.

If God was faithful in these situations, why would He not be behind me 100 percent? Why should I fear anything on this Earth? Chances are whatever God has in store for me, it's going to be something far less extreme than battling an epic army, so why fear?! Why worry?!

A note about me before I conclude - this whole episode sounds strange, and when I verbalize what happened and how I think God is preparing me because I read a random Bible chapter it sounds silly, but I truly believe that it is in these ways that God speaks to us. I believe God speaks through his Word, and through manipulating the objets on this Earth, or our perceptions of them, to deliver messages to his people. This is not the first time I've had an experience like this, and I encourage everyone to be open to ways that God can speak to you.

So...

2006-10-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

I have a blogspot now. I figured this would be a good place to put more personal blogs instead of the ones on myspace. But my computer doesn't work at home, so who knows how often I'll actually post here. But I have one...woohoo