The Battle Between Creativity and Perfectionism Part 2

I decided that I needed some help in curbing my perfectionist tendencies, and I found the perfect way to do that - The International 3-Day Novel Competition.

I won't have time to worry about being perfect. I'll just have to be worried about finishing.

But that's not until Labor Day weekend. So until then...

Running With Perseverance

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." - Hebrews 12:1-3

This past weekend this oft-quoted Biblical analogy came to life for me. I've never pictured the "race" as something to be particularly grueling. Granted, races, especially marathons, require physical stamina, but I've always thought of it as a strange analogy for persevering through persecution and hardships, especially since New Testament authors were no strangers to real suffering at the hands of others, which was probably much more painful than running a marathon.

But on Sunday, I made my was up to Roseville to watch my mom cross the finish line of the Western States 100 Mile Endurance Run. Now, this is no ordinary race. This is a trail run - not a paved run like most marathons - that goes from Squaw Valley in Tahoe to Auburn on a lengthy path through the Sierra Nevadas. Runners have to endure 18,000 feet of elevation gain and 22,000 feet of elevation loss, and this is often done in triple digit heat (the race always occupies the last weekend in June), and freezing temperatures at night. Hyperthermia, hypothermia, and dehydration are not uncommon among runners. If that's not enough, competitors also have to deal with rattlesnakes, mountain lions, bears, bees, and other dangerous wildlife. And all of this pales in comparison when considering the damage that can be done to your body for putting it through this hell. It takes many people between 20 and 30 hours of non-stop running in order to finish. Runners are warned well in advance that there is a chance that they could die running this race.

This is not a simple jog. There are doctor's at multiple checkpoints who examine all the runners to make sure they are healthy enough to continue. This year, more than a quarter of the runners either quit or were disqualified for health reasons. My mom was one of those people. She started vomiting at mile 50 and pretty much kept vomiting through mile 78, enduring extreme cold, fatigue, and dehydration. She was finally disqualified at about 4am.

While talking with her afterwards, and seeing the result of the grueling endeavor, I couldn't help but think of the passage in Hebrews. Suddenly, I began to greatly appreciate the analogy. My mom didn't want to quit; she had her eye on the finish line and was willing to endure the pain, the sickness, and the occasional wild animal. It was only when she was forced to quit by a doctor that she stopped running. I think this is a perfect example of how we should be. We need to run the race, often times we need to endure hell on earth, in order to make it to the finish line, where Jesus waits for us.

The Political Show

I had a discussion about politics with my family the other day, but it wasn't really about politics. It was about some of the candidates running for president, particularly Mr. Barack Obama, the popular Illinois Senator fighting for the Democratic nomination. I say it wasn't about politics because our conversation had nothing to do with Obama's qualifications as a president, but rather about his family heritage and ethnicity. My father claimed he would never vote for him because he was Middle Eastern (he is in fact of Kenyan descent) and that he was a Muslim (Obama was baptized into the Trinity United Church of Christ). We also discussed how Johnathon Edwards was a not a viable candidate because of his wife's physical condition, and McCain's ailing health was also discussed.

I was shocked that they could discriminate against a political candidate for reasons that had no bearing on their ability to serve in office, especially since some of the reasons were simply not true to begin with. It got me thinking, and I realized that it's probably no different in any household across the U.S. The presidential election, just like any popular election, is a popularity contest. People will vote for Edwards because he's a nice guy, minorities will vote for Obama because they can identify with him, McCain will get votes because he acts tough against terrorism, Clinton will attract fans of her husband simply because of their relationship, and so on and so forth. Their views on important issues are often unknown, or not completely known, to the average voter.

I got frustrated during the conversation, but I realized that I'm no different than my parents. I'm more inclined to be attracted to Edwards and Obama because of their openly religious beliefs, and their shared anti-Iraq attitude. I'm hesitant to side with my traditional Republican candidates because of the stigma attached with the Iraq war, since McCain and Gulianni seem ready to take over where Bush left off. However, I'm letting these hot button issues effect my judgement on other important issues. For example, Obama is pro-choice, which I strongly disagree with, while McCain is pro-life and has shown that though he supports the war on terrorism, he's not hesitant to expose the faults, such as his open criticism of the use of torture (or "questionable interrogation methods") by the Bush administration. I find that I'm not really taking the full spectrum of issues into consideration, and instead I'm focusing on the ones that get the most media attention.

I saw a political cartoon today that reiterated why a politician shouldn't be judged by their personal life. It had a priest baptizing McCain into a water that was labeled "Religion," with all the other candidates on shore anxiously awaiting their turn to be immersed. The message - religious faith goes a long way in this country, and any candidate claiming to be a Christian is going to tap into the reservoir of the Religious Right, the massive group that kept Bush in office in 2004. When I identify myself with Obama because of his proclaimed Christian faith and ignore the issues, I could be making my decision based on a facade. In a sense, I may be falling into the trap set by the army of publicists that surround each candidate.

Therefore, I've decided that I am going to be an issue-focused voter this election. I am going to put in the extra work to weigh the pros and cons of each person before I make my decision. I will do my best to ignore the candidate portrayed in the media and focus on the political record of each person. I believe that having the facts in hand and then aligning those facts with my faith is the best way to pick who I really support.

The Battle Between Creativity and Perfectionism

One thing I know I will definitely have to to get over is my perfectionism. Here is the way the writing process should work:

1. Writer comes up with an idea.

2. Writer craps everything out on paper

3. Writer reads over his crap, organizes and edits.

4. Writer is finished and is very happy.

However, it seems that this is how I work:

1. Matt comes up with an idea.

2. Matt tries to write the whole piece in his head.

3. Matt stares at a blank computer screen for an hour.

4. Matt spends another hour writing his first sentence.

5. Matt plays on Facebook for a while.

6. Matt finishes his opening paragraph by nightfall.

7. Matt gets frustrated and abandons the project for snacks and Playstation.

Obviously, there is a difference between my ideal and what actually goes on. I am usually satisfied with what I write once it is written, but it's getting to that point that is difficult for me. I seem to have a problem translating what's in my head to paper, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Freewriting is hard for me. I hate spitting out sentences and paragraphs and knowing that they don't look anything like what they should, and it's hard for me to accept that. I'm a perfectionist, and it's stifling my creativity.

And that's all I have to report.

So I've Made a Big Decision...

I graduated a few weeks ago, which means that now it's time to start making some decisions about life. I manage a car wash now. It's a decent job that pays pretty well with really good benefits, but it's just not something I want to do forever. I've already decided that I want to write (see the post "So I'm Writing a Book...," which is kind of a prequel to this post), but finding a job is somewhat difficult for someone who's had no internship experience and would probably have to take a devastating drop in pay for an entry level job. So, I came up with a another option - back to freelancing!

A freelance writer, for those unfamiliar with the title, is a writer who works with publications on a temporary and contractual basis, often for a single assignment rather than a steady flow of work. This is something that I got into in high school and early college. I started out as a contributor to the Modesto Bee's Teens in the Newsroom program (which produces the Thursday Buzzzz section) for a couple of years, and then wrote several pieces for a now-defunct (I believe) magazine called Valley Views, had a fling with a magazine called Valley Weekly, and covered Turlock-area high school football games for the Turlock Journal. It was all flowing along pretty nicely, and then it stopped. I got promoted to a manager position, and between working fifty hours a week and going to school, my writing jobs got lost in the shuffle. I simply didn't have time anymore.

Well, things are changing. I'm bringing writing back. I've been doing extensive research into the life and work of a full-time freelancer, and am realizing more and more the necessity of having a game plan and setting goals. If I don't give myself something to shoot for, I'll lose focus and end up slacking. So, here are some goals for myself for the next year:

1. Write every day. No exceptions. Even if it's senseless drivel, random words on a page, or stream-of-consciousness scribbling, I must write something. Consequently, that may mean that this blog will probably be updated way more often than I've been doing now.

2. Work my way up to writing articles for national magazines. I'm trying to reestablish some of my ties with the local publications I used to work for, and create new ones with some newer publications that have popped up in recent years. Once I do that, I will gradually start taking stabs at some of the larger publications with more readership and a bigger spotlight. I've been thinking that the two main areas I'd like to focus on are travel and religious publications, and ultimately, I'd like to move up from local by my deadline.

3. Look into copywriting and work with a few clients to see if it's my thing. Copywriting is more your everyday stuff that you normally wouldn't think about - brochures, advertising, newsletters, etc. Someone writes all that stuff, and that someone is usually a freelancer. I know very little about this area though, so I'd like to at least give it a try.

4. Attempt to do some poetry and short fiction. I don't really feel like this is really my strong area, but I do eventually need to get over my fear of failure and just write something and submit it to contests and publications to see if it gets me anywhere.

5. Join a writing group of some kind. I don't know if there are many Modesto-area ones out there, but somehow I need to get into the process of being in community and bouncing my work off of others before I submit it.

6. Propose my book. This is a big one for me. I found out that most nonfiction books are sold before being written, so after I build enough of a foundation of experience, I'd like to get an agent, write some sample chapters, and put together a book proposal. If all goes well, someone will pick it up, get me an advance, which leads to my next and final goal....

7. Quit my job to write. Or at least quit my job and write in addition to a less demanding part-time job, preferably in an area somewhat related to writing.

So, that's it. Those are my goals for June 15, 2008. Now that I have something to shoot for, hopefully it'll improve my accuracy.